Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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