I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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