I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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