A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
