remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
