Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
