make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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