There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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