my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize