just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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