How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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