I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
