drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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