I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
