Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
