They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
