I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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