He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
