I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
