it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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