i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Come share oat with me in your robe
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
