i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
