THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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