If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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