omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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