I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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