so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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