Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
