We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
