Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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