Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
