i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
