If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
