Cold hands, warm shart.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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