Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
