So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
