At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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