so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
