I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
