Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
