I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
