Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
