Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
