why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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