how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
