I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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