Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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