You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
