I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize