what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize