Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
