hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
FUCK WHALES
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