Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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