Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
