just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
