420 ftw
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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