This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
