if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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