Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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