I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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