meet me or not, i'm out of control
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I touched a dick in church today
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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