i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
