i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
