your thong is hanging out like whoa
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
