I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize