I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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