I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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