in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
