I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
