my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
