did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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