So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
