youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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