once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
