the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
